Feeling Below Average

Wow.  Today was one of those days where it seems I couldn’t quite get anything right and I spiraled down into a real funk.  The depression I felt led me to some very poor behavior choices including eating very poorly, snapping at my loved ones and eschewing the work I have for the work I made up (I did conquer two crossword puzzles today, so I have that going for me).   When you are trying to start a business and have little time to waste that’s very poor form.

I did recognize something though.  I was able to spot one of the triggers that led to my depression, which isn’t too hard, but then I was able to trace it to the root.  The trigger didn’t cause the bad day; that started before the event.  Nor did identifying the trigger give me the ability to snap into a good mood with energy to be productive; I, as is everyone, am much more complicated than that.  But, by identifying the trigger and tracing it back I was able to at least point at an area I need to work on.

What happened was that I was supposed to meet a couple of friends to discuss some business.  I had texted them on Sunday to confirm that we were meeting on Tuesday at 9:30 am at Cracker Barrel. Both confirmed that yes we were.

After waiting 45 minutes at the restaurant I texted again.  One of them replied that we were meeting on Wednesday not Tuesday.  Doh!

That was the trigger.  But the insight I got was that my funk wasn’t caused by being stood up, because I got the wrong date, or because they had confirmed the wrong day.  What happened was that my heart was receiving the message, “You are not important enough to check your confirmation closely.  It does not matter to us that you’ve been sitting there all morning.”

I know these two guys well and that was definitely not the message they were intending to send.  But, something in me was receiving that message.  Now I know I need to work on my internal issues that are causing me to feel that way.  If I can work that out it will not only make me feel better it will help keep me from dropping into moods that keep me from performing optimally.

What are your triggers?  And more importantly, what are the triggers triggering inside of you that you need to deal with to be all that you are intended to be?


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